People normally know the right thing to do- Its doing it that's the hard part.

Isn't it Friday yet? My alarm sounds like an alien intrusion these past few days. Luckily this is due to having a wonderful time at the allotment for Solstice on Tuesday. Huge fast moving dusky skies a fire and lovely company. Emma, John and I walked very happily over the Moor by our house, cracking open the Scrumpy Jack toasting summer. Nicola and Nathan were there with beautiful Loki, so full of smiles and showing us all his going backwards on slides and balancing on tractor tricks.We all got smoke in our eyes, ate strawberries, burnt wishes and sang songs from our bellies.

School has been mixed. I had a lovely morning yesterday making biscuits. Just when I have the thought that I can't see how anger could possibly escalate to the magnitude it has in the past few weeks, boom! Out of nowhere, no none trigger we have full scale rage. I'm getting more used to it. The frustrating thing is not knowing the cause- its impossible not to speculate. My boss has been off for two days (my boy is really close to him and light up on seeing him) my suspicion is a kick off to have Mick's full attention.

Last night Stu and I had final exchange of stuff. I'm uncomfortable with things not being as good as they can be. Normally if possible I race immediately to close friends often at the detriment of myself. It wasn't easy. Its not going to be at times. I helped carry speakers out and cracked my head off the bonnet. It really hurt. I tried not to cry and failed. I Watched a shit film in Emma's bed and ate packet risotto which was a bit like pudding rice. Warm and wet.

I had a smoke and a good chat to a lovely friend Natasha. I realised that people normally know the right thing to do but that doing it is the hard part. I know I'm doing the right thing with Stu but that doesn't mean it isn't really difficult. Lay in bed, my pillows turned into rocks as I considered there were so many scenarios this thought could relate too. I'm going to try and remember that I know the right thing especially for myself and see if this influences things positively. After tossing and turning and massaging my jarred neck, I moved my pillows to the middle of the bed and slept soundly.