All the love that you feel is your own.

The past couple of weeks I have been soul searching and made a difficult decision to end my relationship with Stu. I'm not going to go into too much detail in this forum. But those who know me well know we've had our up's and down's and patterns of behaviour. Bottom line is we don't bring out the best in each other. Sometimes loving someone isn't enough to mean that the relationship is a compatible match.

I have had so much love, support and understanding from close friends. Women are so amazing in their emotional intelligence and understanding. In some cases I haven't needed to say much, there has an unspoken understanding. Right decision, duffey heart.

On Friday I got taken out for dinner by my Mum, with Charlotte, Emma and Clara. I couldn't really eat but was great to be with strong women. Afterwards Emma and I walked to the Ouseburn arm in arm and had a well needed heart chat.We realised it had been months and months since we had gone out for drinks just the two of us. Its funny how in the beginning of a relationship, friendship or otherwise time to court each other and get to know how the other thinks/ feels is prioritised. Crazy that this goes by the way side after the relationship is 'secure.' I had a slow day yesterday, lots of resting, and sorting re-claiming my space. In the evening Pia, (who has become a close friend since the healing course at Earthing the Spirit last year where we really got to see and share our anxieties and fears ) went for a really long leisurely and beautifully prepared French meal at Cafe Buee- such luxury, to have 3 hours to really speak about where we were at. We had the space to ourselves, in a corner by the window. I'd like to take each of my close girl friends out and have that space to be connected.

A wise friend once bought me a book that helped my understanding of relationships hugely. The most important realisation it talked about was that all the love you feel in a relationship is all your own love. The other person is feeling their love too and the sharing of that is magical.But the end of a relationship cannot take anything away from me as all the love I've felt is my own.

So here I am again. Some time on my hands to find me again. I know that what I can be in true essence is enthusiasm and joy and I am committed to finding that before I look for another relationship. I'm so clear about what I want in a life partner but right now I will focus on being present and the love I have for my amazing family and friends.