Deserving of my own love and affection

Tonight I had a good dose of being by myself and really enjoyed how much ligher my mind feels. I missed my bus stop on the way back from work as I was engrossed in a horoscope book that came free with a magazine. I got off in town with my music blasting and the sun shinning and went to a Cafe for a large Americano. Then I got home and went with lovely friends for a couple of hours at the allotment. Late sun and picturesque clouds. I had amazing dinner made by John, then pottered upstairs and started rearranging a frame I've got of cards that I particularly love, from people I love. I had to go through a deep box of cards and letters to make sure I had what I wanted. It still has old faithful-ls and a couple of new ones from my 30th birthday.

I really love cards, both giving and receiving. It often takes me a long time to choose one for a birthday, and often I have to write them instantly when I get home. I really love post and I love cards at Christmas and my birthday more than or certainly as much as presents.

I also had a five minute meeting with Mairead down my street. Which was really lovely even though it was fleeting. We both walked a good 12 meters with big smiles beaming from our faces.

This afternoon I went bowling with the boy I teach, it was really positive to go out with him and for each of us to relate to each other in a different context.

I did affirmations to help me knock down pins. I affirmed what I wanted to enfold and if I believed it strongly enough I knocked them down. I got a strike for a baby girl which although I would be happy to have children of either sex I have affirmed since being about 6 or even younger and played with dolls constantly.

The past couple of days I have be Re- affirming an important message which is on a card in the frame I rearranged tonight,( from my lovely friend El ) which says ' You as much as anyone else in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.'

This belief is one I have thought about and made promises to embodied in different forms for years. I have numerous books which begin with an affirmation to take better care of my self, physically, spiritually. To in all ways be mindful of giving myself time to honour where I am and be OK with what is. Most of us know instinctually the things that help us to feel strong and to see beauty, for me a big thing is to simply be in nature. Why is it so often a struggle to make time?

I think the answer lies in our inherent belief system that we don't deserve to be happy, we don't feel fully deserving of our love and affection.

I watched an interesting TED talk on Saturday morning and this guy talked about doing 30 day challenges for your own growth. To decide on habits or ways of living that you'd like to have in your life and commit to doing them for 30 days. I've also noticed recently old habits I seem to have lost. Things I neglect to do in a relationship. I'm going to attempt to massage my feet for at least 5 minutes every day. My body always appreciates it and although I would love to do Yoga every day or meditate I have tried to manifest those many times and my discipline or my belief isn't quite there just yet.