Much more to life than money!

The present moment doesn't feel so promising, got a letter of doom from Job seekers saying they are stopping my money for 2 weeks because I didn't send in a C.V on time!! I will contest it, it just confirms to me even stronger that my situation has got to change. Sometimes it takes a crisis for positive action to follow. Am on the application train again, another one completed this morning. I just have to stay calm and focused and remember there are much more important things than money.

So I am cheering myself up by remembering the lovely weekend just passed. Fire at the allotment on Friday evening with some lovely folk,some new Fenham crew, we shared a few songs and some potatoes cooked on the fire

I looking after Joseph Izzy and baby Thomas on Saturday. They were so kind and loving to their baby cousin. Totally adorable. Izzy always calls him 'Baby Thomas', we played 'Mama's' footsteps, What's the time Mr Wolf, musical statues and Just dance. Joseph did plenty of break dancing moves especially to Dizzy Rascal 'Bonkers' Izzy did lots of spinning and Thomas joined in with cute baby dad dancing style. It made me look forward to having a cousin for them, they were super tolerant even when Thomas turned the computer off and gave him big cuddles before singing sleepy songs! We sand Adelevice (not sure how to spell) and Izzy kept saying 'Oh no, this makes me too sleepy' whilst dramatically throwing herself on the bed! I also enjoyed the novelty of Saturday night T.v, watched Britain's got talent, and sniffed my way through the emotional winning contestants.

Went for a big walk in Hawthorn Dene on Sunday, was a beautiful day, and we walked through hundreds of blue bells and wild garlic, had a picnic by the sea and back past cliffs and caves.

Looking forward to Friday, Royal wedding of Will and Kate and also my Step Sister Lianne and Simon, should be fun and nice to have a night with Charlotte, Paul and my Dad.

Rivers and egg hunts equal abundance!

Tired as I'm waking up with the birds at the moment and have had a couple of late nights. Got drunk from 2 and a half cans of cider last night! Like what's going on! I'm hoping its the sun and not because I reached 30 and am now past it! Went to see Katie and Mark, Penny and David's new house as we are now neighbours. They have a swirly, spotty, hippy path as an entrance! The sun is still out in full force and today I'm going to Hexham to spend time with Char, Anita, Sophie, Jenny and all their beautiful children to have an egg hunt for Easter so that will be lovely.

My party at Haydon Spa was really fun, such a pretty spot, overlooking the river and surrounded by trees and woods. A small group of us spent a good hour or more spitting distant from our destination but not quite knowing where to go but it all added to the adventure! It was lovely to see the kids enjoying it. Joseph was straight up a tree, and played really lovely with Barnaby and Izzy with Tallulah.

We picnic'd and I drank Cava, more people arrived in a relaxed fashion, so got chance to enjoy speaking to them. I span the kids round before they left, fell over with Izzy but she's hardcore so didn't mind! Then I DJ'd on my i pod for over 3 hours and danced lots! I was in my element and bounced between chats at the fire and drunken dancing with some of my favourite people! Emma egged me on and I ended up raunching around a fair bit and doing backwards rolls! The police came with their huge official looking torch!! It didn't ruin anything though, my Dad encouraged me to put it back on but I got vetoed! Emma and I sang with my Dad on his desent up the hill, and fell all the way back down! We played games by the fire, including my favourite 'in the manner of the word.' All lovely and sunshine the next day. unfortunately Stu pulled his back carrying batteries! He was in agony for 5 days, we stayed in Hexham for a couple of days and Joseph was really sweet and cuddled up to him when he told him he'd hurt his back.

Just had a couple of really lovely days with lovely El. Had a stolen sunny day in Hexham, lots of catching up and an amazing shiatsu in Jenny's new business establishment!

Stu and I saw a beautiful house in Hexham. Perfect really for our purposes. Spoke to my Mum on skype yesterday and realised that we can't risk moving there, without me having a job or at least one of us being more secure. I spoke to Stu about it this morning and he is not happy.

Its hard because I really want things to move and know that would help him to feel happier, but just got to play it safe until I know where I'm going to be work wise. 9 jobs to apply for before the 19th May so surely something will come of one of those..Stu has just handed me a piece of paper that works out that we can pay for this house! This is so tricky, torn..

Affirmation for abundance ' I accept good graciously into my life. All my needs are met abundantly for me now and always.'

Birds and buses and rivers

I've got pre party anxiety, for my party by the river tomorrow, quite mild, (like is anyone going to come, am I doing the right thing having a party kind of nerves) but they got raised higher this morning by trying to find the destination on Google maps, not my strong point. I think that's why we have men, so they can be our compass.

I was suppose to have an interview for an agency this morning, but got cancelled due to some random vandalism, so have kept myself busy with spring cleaning my space. I so want to be working, its hard to keep being positive about the scenario, but I know it will shift and change, just putting my heart into applying for September, looking for jobs and joining a couple more agencies. It always feels better when I go walking, listen to the birds or play music, so having a sing to Laura Marling, she has such a beautiful voice.

It will be lovely to get people together tomorrow, once I'm there I can just relax and enjoy. -Please shine sunshine! We can always have a big fire to burn away our worries.

Think I'm going to wear my spectacular false eyelashes from Miss Beattie and my Mum's sequin boob tube, its the woods ,but hey, I don't have many big party's.

So now I'm off out on wander to get a parcel I missed and go to the Turkish baths for Jeanette's birthday, super hot, so will probably chill me out!

Stu is making his big beautiful blue bus more beautiful, he's been planning it for so long that he's happy creating it, and has even taken on my requests for more shelves! His plan is to sell it, but enjoy it this summer, I think he may get more attached to its fabulousness, so hopefully if I can get some work, any work will do, we shall go on an adventure to Shambala at the end of August. :)

An unexpected burst of summer!

This weekend has been an unexpected burst of summer! I was woke on Saturday morning by a friends gorgeous 3 year old little girl, full of beans and telling me how Nellie my elephant needed me as she'd had a bad dream about monsters! I got cups of tea and we snuggled back into bed with Clara May for a warm fuzzy dose of Mary Poppins.

Emma and I had made plans to spend some quality time wit each other and had decided to go on a day trip, the sky was bright blue and full of sunshine, we put our summer dresses and sandals on then checked the temperature tentatively by stepping outside, to discover that we weren't ridiculously under-dressed, we both yelped with joy and excitement when we realised the sun truly did have real heat in it.

We went to purchase a picnic, made a couple of new friends, very open lovely souls, and had a gloriously luxurious day of laying on a blanket, in the countryside, speaking from our hearts. We had an imaginary tea party with real cream and strawberry sponges, drove up by the coast, which was really windy comparatively, so went inland to a beer garden, surrounded by ancient tall majestic trees.

The evening before I decided to do some angel cards for the first time in ages, I was inspired by Clara to do a seven card spread, they were very insightful of where I am emotionally at the present and one of the strongest messages was to be out in nature and how healing that can be. I also got Divine plan, the crazy thing is, I saw more orbs or some kind of unexplained moving disks of light,( a bit like what you would imagine a cell would look like) than ever before this weekend. I have seen them before with a particular pair of sunglasses, at the allotment or travelling past countryside. This weekend, particularly when we were at the woodland beer garden, I was quite overwhelmed by the amount of small white spinning light orbs I was seeing and a big bright blue one that kept appearing. Has anyone had a similar experience? They felt like a protective energy, they kept appearing like a burst of light about half a meter in front of my face or close to friends heads. I Hope I don't sound mad!

Yesterday, another gorgeous sunny day, 22 degrees, a 4 car convoy, (Oh how I do love a convoy!) went up to a magical spot in the Cheviots. Beautiful rolling hills, by a place called Heartside, a waterfall which was a perfect picnic spot, we had plenty of children with us , so lots of playing. I went in to the water up to my waist. Freezing cold water! Felt a bit of a chicken, but am quite run down, looming spring cold from the change of season, so didn't push myself, Clara jumped in from about 5 or 6 meters so was mighty proud of her and Kenzie jumped in from about 10 meters from a branch of a tree!

I was exhausted after both days in a lovely, physically worn out and sun kissed way. Watched a dark yet beautiful film 'Perfume' last night and am having my favourite kind of pottering morning before I get on it with some tidying, sorting and application missions.

Optimism

When you start to count your blessings the universe conspires to make you smile. Today I was sat on my doorstep getting a burst of vitamin D when a big yellow bus filled with rails of clothes stopped at the end of my street. It caught my eye because 1 it was sunshine yellow, 2 it had lots of colourful shirts hanging in the window, and 3 it had a big sign 'Everything 5p'! So I got my sandals on grabbed my bag and hopped over the road to go see about some bargains, the smiley man was picking up supplies but let me have a quick look. I got some lovely children's clothes, a hello kitty top for Izzy, a funky waistcoat for Joseph, a stripy next jumper for baby Ruby a beautiful pick woollen stripy outfit for an unborn baby girl (there is bound to be at least one in the running) and a t shirt for me all for the grand total of 25p!

I spent 4 hours on an application for Walbottle Village Primary its a permanent position so I made sure I fit all the criteria in the person specification. On my jaunt into town I got an unexpected text message from a potential new friend, I met through looking after the boys, I met her last week and got a really great feeling from her and we are meeting with the boys on Tuesday.

At the library I multi tasked with my proof reading and printing of my letter of application as my random i tunes were too good to resist and a lovely old(ish) guy insisted on paying for my printing.

I came home to glorious sunshine in the yard so sat out with adorable Crunchie cat and a perfect cup of tea, Emma came home and we danced are way through tidying the living room.

Sometimes it feels like its a real challenge to get a teaching job but by counting all my blessings, my optimism tells everything is going to fall into place just fine.

I had a lovely afternoon playing games with Morgan, 6 yesterday, when I lost a game he shook my hand and said 'well done for a really good try, everyone wants to be good at things straight away but they aren't, you just have to keep trying and practice. You never know next time you might just win.' :) Its a lesson I've been taught lots of times but it sounded so perfect and reasoned coming from him and was just what I needed to hear.

Very smiley as a fall back disposition. :)

Today is muggy, a bit like thunder storm weather! I have spent 2 hours in the job centre as I had a new appointment time and forgot to write it down, only to discover that because I didn't send in my C.V as 'directly ordered' bizarre language choice, I may lose up to 4 weeks benefit, including housing benefit!! It's not as if the job centre are any help at all in me getting a job, and I have done paid work so they can see my job seeking status is genuine. The guy was nice about it, I think he has a shit job and said he would write something which is sympathetic. I have sent it now so will just have to keep my fingers crossed!

Apart from that bit of joy all is well, had a lovely weekend, girls night in at my sisters on Saturday night, with Chris as a token boy. Lots of chat around Dogs, Lola is defiantly like an extra child! Cute chats with Izzy and Joseph, Izzy was all adorable in her princess, ballerina dress from Mamar, she'd cried at bed time because she didn't want to take it off! Joseph was showing me his Star wars sound gismo.. They both gave very different accounts of their Mothers day gift for Char, very sweet and funny.

Mothers day we had a huge feast at Stu's Mum and Dad's. They spoke a bit about the family history, names such as Lancelot and Shadrock were common in his family, I said don't be giving Stu any ideas! Also spoke to my Mum in Daytona, miss her but know the chilled out, sunshine lifestyle is really good for both her and my Step Dad.

Monday morning applications for teaching posts followed by a super lovely trip to the George (birthday treat) from Sophie and a 7 month old Ruby. Ruby is like a mini Soph, very smiley as a fall back disposition and loves the water, lots of giggling and waving and splashing. She even tried to latch on to me in my swimming suit- which I considered an honour, Soph dunked her sideways a few times and she was great about it. Stayed at Soph and Saul's last night, Very beautiful home, overlooking hills and trees Talked about the wedding, had lots of chicken and rice and lovely crisp white wine. Slept really well in a blacked out room.

Maybe seeing Elena tonight, which is always lovely, then applications and spring sorting/cleaning for the next couple of days.

The location for my party is proving a little more difficult than first anticipated so will have to get on that today. :)

Freedom in a relationship

A wise man who is very dear to my heart wrote me a letter this week which has triggered some synchronised events and had me thinking about my relationship.

He asked me 'How does my relationship with Stu reflect how you want to treat the world/want the world to be?

The answer to this is very much dependant on how our relationship is from day to day, I was immediately tempted to deflect the question and think about what I give to the world more widely, noting my friendships and working with young children. This doesn't however begin to unpick the complexity and power of a connection between two people.

Before I met Stu I was classically not looking to meet anyone and I remember I had written a very detailed account of what I wanted in a partner, It still holds true. The essence of what I wanted was an equal partner- someone I connect deeply with in all aspects of my life, someone who nourishes and supports me in becoming the most evolved, present, free person I can be. Clear communication and an ability to view these qualities for much that is similar from me.

Stu and I are so different in our abilities and what we bring to the world, he is very perceptive and giving but on occasion are communication is at such crossed lines I feel like I am banging my head against a wall!

I found an article in The Times of all places which reminded me of a fundamental belief I developed over 10 years ago reading Don Miguel Ruiz 'The Mastery of Love' the importance of freedom in a relationship. By this I mean a complete support of your partner, believing with all your heart that they know what is best for them, very much in the way that long lasting friendships work. And an unsaid agreement that you will never tell your partner what to do. This is something I need to gently reintroduce in to my current relationship, it can be over the simplest, smallest thing, but If someone is constantly disagreeing and questioning what you are doing or suggesting you are misguided it is a total relationship wrecker!

I have been thinking about this further and think that when someone feels out of control, they try to micro manage the people they value the most.

The way I can reflect how I would like to see the world within my relationship is to see myself as I really am. Being open and taking responsibility for my own thoughts can only act as encouragement for my partner to do the same. Probably the most important thing I can do is to keep listening, in that magical beginning stage its all about listening, discovering and exploring someone. As long as I don't assume I know things and keep listening without expectation and Stu is willing to do the same there is no reason why we can't embody the freedom I would like to see in the world.