I don't like packet ham.

I woke up this morning after a decent sleep and I feel really upset. Stu and I had such a difficult weekend, with arguments about the most banal shit. I feel like in some ways I shouldn't write about it on here but I know he would never dream of reading it, and all I really want to do is resolve my mind a bit so I can move on and stop crying!

Up until this weekend, my birthday weekend, things have been going really well, I feel like are communication has got loads better, Stu has been a lot more involved in my family, we've been having a lovely time.

This weekend we started off tired and late for a meal invite at a friends house. I wasn't too impressed by being so late, this is a regular thing, but after initially saying we really need to leave and maybe we shouldn't have a cup of tea! I bit my tongue and we set off having some good chats on the way, then we got lost, so spent 2 hours driving the scenic route and hour of that was driving in circles. I stayed mainly calm and apologised that I expect he knows where he is going.

We had a lovely time at friends house, beautiful meal, relaxed company. We left about 2 the next day, got to Waitrose to buy some stuff for a sandwich on the way home- Stu made some un-necessary remark about not liking packet ham and coleslaw, I pretty much ignored him at first, then pointed out it was un necessary and ungrateful and got a good torrent of abuse about how I wasn't trying to do something nice I was just getting what I wanted. I told him to stop and that he wouldn't be getting any.

We got back to my Mum's he ignored me for at least 20 minutes. I cooled down a bit and tried to go in to diffuse the situation without having an argument, within 5 minutes there was loads of shouting again. Its like if I criticise Stu he throws loads of upsetting insults back, he kicked off saying I was selfish and only thought of myself, I told him if that's what he though he should leave.

We just about sorted it out, he upset me further by complaining about the money I have had to borrow over the past 3 months. He left I cried, then had a wonderful night with Jenny and Charlotte and a lot of champagne Bellini. Next day, I managed to get in touch about 1 ish and had another argument over the phone about what his plans were. I waiting around till 3.40 to see him and sort things out, he dropped me back in town, as I was meeting someone at 5. I asked if he could drop my stuff off, he said yes but never turned up. I have no charger so have been unable to call him or brush my teeth.

I wrote an email asking if he plans to drop them off and explaining why I am upset.

I know we can sort it out and that mostly things are good, but weekends like this make me reassess the entire relationship. I know that relationships are what we choose for ourselves. I don't choose this. I will go over now as there is no response, get my stuff. Stay calm. Let him respond to my email. Be supportive but also realistic, I know it probably sounds drastic but if it doesn't improve I will leave. I resent feeling so uptight and upset and in these type of situations all we really achieve is bringing out the worse in each other.