Birthday reflections at Beamish

When I woke up this morning I'd been dreaming about the poem Desiderata.

'Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,

and remember what peace there may be in silence.'

I just re read the poem on waking. It serves as a reminder of the the simple wisdom in listening to people and being gentle in the world. I feel tired from a busy half term, but the relief and quite I feel from knowing I have 2 weeks off, with time to have tea and write in bed and be outside in the world, going for walks in the woods and by the sea is just perfect.

The month of March seems to have whirled by in a busy flurry. My birthday last weekend was so much fun. It was the sunniest birthday I can remember and after a lazy morning of opening gifts and drinking tea, friends arrived in their finest 1913 outfits for a day out at Beamish. It took us a good 2 hours, for people to steadily arrive and to take photographs under the tree. There was lots of no smiling options with Emma Beattie's old fashioned style camera on her fancy phone, which caused lots of laughter, then 11 of us piled into Dave the cat's bus for a jolly jaunt out.

I hadn't been to Beamish, since school and totally loved it. The open top buses, and old fashioned trams are beautiful, we drove in the sunshine to the town and had a picnic on a sunny piece of grass, by a pony paddock. Standing around afterwards, Emma and I got mistaken by Japanese tourists as part of the exhibition. We met up with Sophie, Saul and Ruby , which was lovely, Ruby in her prettiest dress, saying Ellie over and over. We looked around the houses, visited the dentist, the stables and the all important old fashioned sweet shop. Then got on another open top bus to the farm, school and old colliery. The whole day was blissfully relaxed, we ended it in a pub beer garden, chatting happily and getting that sweet afternoon merriment, which comes with sun and cider.

Everyone looked amazing, and I kept smiling at Jack with his tweed suit and comb over, throwing Ruby and Loki around happily.

The evening brought a slow burning party, I had to recover with tea and get myself preened for partying. People arrived slowly, and chatted, drinking punch from our beautiful Victorian glass punch bowl, that cracked on that night,, by 11 the dance floor was stomping and filled with lovely people. Some usual suspects mixed equally with new people and those I've met a few times all smiling and dancing wildly, I got a surprise visit from my dear friend Paul, which was beautifully unexpected, had a few random chats on the stairs, then continued to dance with serious vigour! There were a few minor injuries, then at 4am my cousin John turned up with some stags as they were randomly in Newcastle to keep the dance floor alive, as most people had flagged by then.

Sunday we lost the hour and I was broken, but laying around at home, followed by the allotment, kept me content with the huge sleep debt.

This week at school has been great. I've got a new colleague, who is a self confessed paper work fanatic, we've been sorting a curriculum map and forward plans and I have to say I'm liking it. After the holidays I'm getting a girl, which is exciting. Its funny I didn't think it would happen!

This year has definitely been the most change for quite some time. In a brilliant way. 3 of the 11 people on my birthday bus, are people I didn't know existed last year, and amazingly I can't really imagine life without them. On my birthday last year, I went for an interview at Protocol, which is how I got my first teaching assignment. There is so much which can change and transform in a year, spring feels like a blessed time to be grateful for all these changes.

For this holiday, I've invested in a couple of juicy books and some watercolours, a sketch book and paintbrushes to start a project I've been thinking about for 6 years. I want to make a hard back book of all the trees in Northumberland, so I can learn about them and be able to identify trees at different times of the year.

For today, I'm going to be slow and restful. I think I've sussed out my suspected lurgy and that it is in fact hay fever! Feel much happier if it is that, but also going to look after myself. Lunch with Miss May, then maybe beach later to see my beloved.

Cliff topped coastlines and Magical woods.

I'm feeling very lucky and exhausted in a happy way after a wonderful few days away in Devon.

It's been half term, so Jack and I booked 2 nights away in a hotel together, he's been working near Gloucester, so I trained it down, via Manchester to Gloucester on Wednesday morning. Even though it had only been a week since Jack went away, the anticipation and excitement to see him was really full, sleeplessness, butterflies, raised heart beat, the physiology of love.

As soon as I was swept up in his arms, I was calmed and we set off on a 3 to 4 hour journey to North Devon, we stopped for a cream tea on the way and the journey passed quickly with lots of chats and laughter.

We got closer, the world became almost entirely green and we passed through places called things like Fairy Cross as the thatched roofs began to appear regularly.

We arrived at our hotel, checked in and discovered we had been upgraded to a suit. A beautiful but quite laughable room, with a four poster bed, fire place, sweeping steps leading to a dressing room and a bath room complete with a wet room style shower and a double bath with jets!

We went for a walk that evening as the sun set along the top of a hill, a light house and Lundy Island in the distance, then we went for another drive to find a country pub that sold local Cider and good food. We soon discovered that decent Cider is difficult to find in North Devon, so we settled for lovely food then went back to our hotel for champagne in the bath and massages.

The next few days were filled with beautiful walks, by the sea and in the most magical of woods. We lay on a thick quilt of long grass overlooking the highest point of the hills above the sea, feeling the sunshine on our faces, in each others arms and talked about adventures past.

We approached the woods like eager children and also as lovers, holding hands, wide eyed, looking closely to identify trees and seeing the signs of spring. Jack pointed out Beech nuts and the cerise male flowers on Willow trees and we discovered wild garlic, snowdrops and crocuses

Nothing is a bother to Jack, his relaxed spontaneous approach make each day a joy. We changed plans at the last minute from a romantic meal to head off to see my Friends Glenn and Sarah and there beautiful boys Jy and Finn and Jack earned himself big wet kisses from Jy, nearly 2 by playing Duplo aeroplanes.

We visited some lovely friends of Jack's in Dartmooor Forest and we went on a magical walk in a majestic wood, filled with incredible looking lichen and ending in a cathedral of trees.

All the sea air and wood bathing in the beautiful, deeply quiet Devon woodland and clear skies has been the rest and difference I needed from the reality of work.

Even though we took every day at a Sunday pace not leaving the room to go out until 11 or so I kept being surprised by the amount and quality of light I was getting. Although I was low on sleep, it just didn't matter as I could float through the days.

I could of stayed much longer, but luckily have one more true Sunday to unpack, be ready for work and have a bit of social thrown in. Tea with the lovely Laura and dinner at Mike and Jemma's this eve.

It really is the beginning of spring, just the other side of this tiny Island we call home. Hold on tight I tell myself, soon there will be a greater quality of life as light extends beyond the hours of work and the juggling of work and play rebalances.

Dirty Feet

Feeling a little delicate this morning after 5 hours kip and a raucously fine evening. I had a rare opportunity of my sister out in town. We went for a curry and a fair bit of wine for Paul's birthday, then headed over to 'Dirty feet' at our new local Bar loco. Paul was a bit suspicious prior to arriving. He took it literally and thought it was going to be a bunch of hippy's with some kind of obligation to take your shoes off!

So we arrived with Charlotte already pretty tipsy and tottering on her killer heels, it was already really busy upstairs in a lovely, Fenham cosy bustley kind of way. Charlotte found a Jenga game to get involved with, stating that she was shit hot at Jenga because of playing with her little girl, Paul did a bit of loitering with the drinks and I got into the electro gypsy swing on the dance floor.

A couple of drinks later, Charlotte and Paul got down and dirty on the dance floor. They met the wonderful Paddy O'Conner and instantly hit it off. Manc's can always quickly find a few familiar reference points.

A fellow Sidney Grover asked Char, 'Have you been for a Royal?' this resulted in well over an hour of hilarity as Char went round a lot of the dance floor asking 'Have you been forra Royal?' in her best Manc accent then throwing her head back in laughter! She concluded that some of the crowd had been smoking dope because some of the younger unexpected crew looked a bit paranoid.

Charlotte fell in love with Paddy, mentioned to me she wanted to take him home and asked him if he wanted to come home with her be their pet! Paul got so involved in the bongo that he's featuring a massive thumb blister this morning.

I danced loads with such vigour that I accidentally head butted the lovely Clara May, the dance floor was heaving full of spinning and ass shaking smiling people, drinks started to get dropped and Paul and concluded about half 1 that it was probably time to head home.

We had a kitchen party with my i pod as Ian is away visiting mates in Leeds. So we had tea a crumpet each and Char gave us a fine rendition of Zumba 'Jai ho'.

Today, luckily for our fragile heads were off to Short Flat Tower for 3 or so hours of Spar time, it my gift to the most important Women in my life who have everything they could ever need. So in just over 3 hours my Mum, Char and I will be lay chatting in a huge, super bubbly hot tub looking out at the trees and sky. Then Char and I are off for the don of all treatments. It's called a Hammam, we get to be in a Moroccan inspired room, with heated slabs and twinkly lights. Were going to get scrubbed within an inch of our lives, slushed with water, covered in mud, and finally massaged. We get to do it in tandem and on request my Mum is coming in for the first hour before her full body Swedish.

Best go to buy bread and eggs to have with copious amounts of tea and ease our aching heads.

Buds and following the hearts path.

Today I bought a red dress. I don't need a new dress, but it was in a sale. It is a beautiful flattering cut, I tried to dismiss it, but as the store was about to close I realised that I don't own a red dress except for a extravagant silk Calvin Klien full length gown, courtesy of my Mum's shopping trips in the U.S. I came home and put it straight on, like I used to do as a child. I feel uplifted by its bright hue and its newness.

This weekend has been lovely, yet there has been a background feeling of sadness. On Friday I received a call from my dear friend Lyd in Australia, I had text that morning and answered at work just to arrange another time to speak. She told me that a school friend Fen, had climbed a crane the night before and fell 45 meters to his death. I felt calm on the phone to Lyd and was briefly able for her to say how she felt and arrange to speak on Sunday. It was when I got off the phone that I felt like the ground was being moved beneath me. Its a strange spaced out feeling I think is difficult to put into words. I had it when my step brother passed away. The shock that that person is gone feels so unreal. I kept drifting off in my thoughts and seeing Fen's face. Always bright and smiling.

The lesson I am taking from this tragedy is that we just don't know how long we have in this life, so I must cease every day and follow the path of my heart. I've decided this summer to go to Australia and stay with Lydia. I have my first 6 weeks of paid holiday in my career. How better to celebrate this wonderful fact. I spoke with Lyd today and maybe if she has holiday enough we will go to New Zealand. Lyd's going to be living in Byron Bay a very special place I visited whilst on a world trip with my then boyfriend Matty. We met my sister Charlotte and Glenn in Australia and had the best days of out trip in Byron. We were travelling up the East coast, and kept saying 'we should of stayed in Byron.'

I can feel the onset of spring, there are little changes all around, so many buds and the beginning of the crocuses. I feel change in myself also. I'm seriously considering getting a dog, to be with me at school. So researching the therapeutic aspects and positive impact this can have. Going to give it lots of thought, I think it would have to be the right dog, to cope with the boisterous and often aggressive nature of my boys, but I can see how positively they would respond to it. Also Jack has said he'd be up for taking the dog to work sometimes so that could help, if I'm doing home visits or the boys are too unsettled.

Had a wonderful beach day at Allenmouth yesterday, for Paddy and Olive's birthday. Clara, Jo and I were slightly concerned we wouldn't find them. We needn't of worried, they were a colourful tribe of instant recognition, top hats, gowns and feathers as we walked over the brow of the hill. We picnic'd, I walked as a football match of great whooping competitiveness prevailed. Then a group of about 8 ran naked into the sea! We watched the moon rise, the sky change and the sun set, then we all went to the pub to get cosy by the fire.

Soon I'm going for dinner with lovely Emma C, my house mate. Were trying out a Lebanese place that has been heartily recommended by a few folk, so should be lovely.

Heavy work days and hormones

This week has been the toughest, work wise, since qualifying as a teacher. So now I have 4. 4 wonderful boys. Individually they have so much to give, are so funny and clever and imaginative. As a combination this week has just been chaos. My new boy is severely autistic, he makes traffic noises whilst navigating himself around school. He also wants to be in an imaginary land, where he is a taxi driver. One on one he is very polite, pleasant adult company. He has little idea about games and social interaction, so I'm working on that one. What he hates is children! So throw him together with 3 very challenging, volatile children behaviourally and boom! Sparks are going to fly.

My eldest boy thinks it is fun top frighten the autistic boy, he also can't cope with the level of fractious, unpredictable outbursts which are a tool my new pupil uses to keep people away!

There have been moments of sheer ludicrousness. I haven't known whether to laugh or cry. There are times I feel like I handled the situation well and other moments when I was just reacting. The intensity of it without much of a break has been totally full on. Especially since, the last two mornings its all kicked off before 9.30 am.

The great thing is I have the backing of a really great and understanding manager and work really closely and really well with the kids key worker. Home has been a very harmonious contrast. I can literally feel the tension of the day draining from my shoulders as I enter Sidney Grove. I have been sleeping really well. Touch wood and getting lots of cuddles and good chats with my love.

Reading an amazing and very empowering book at the moment. 'Taking charge of your fertility.' It unravels the mystery of the female reproductive cycle and is a very detailed response for how to avoid pregnancy without hormones. Don't worry Mum! I will be responsible. :) It feels really important to be able to do something other than hormones, which make me feel like I'm really out of sync with my body. Would recommend it. There is another way!

Friday tomorrow. Phew! Dinner with some very wonderful ladies to look forward. Then Justine's party on Saturday. For a dose of silliness, fun and plenty of dancing. Oh yeah!

Fenham Christmas time

Coming back into the world today after Christmas festivities. Had Christmas day, Fenham style with Emma, Rog, Clara and Frenchie. Woke up, had hot chocolate and stockings in bed, with Clara. We had bought each other some of the same gifts, ginger chocolate, heather honey lip balm, socks and pukka tea. Morning continued with plenty of flowing prosecco and lots of presents. Stayed in my PJ's until gone 2 O clock. Bath with a lush bath bomb, new Christmas jumper from my Nana and new make up goodies from my Mum and Em.

By 3 we were all out on the Moor outside Emma's singing harmony's together, including 'the troubles of the world' then inside for a good bit of pre dinner dancing.

Christmas dinner was magnificent. Gorgeous huge, 20 pound turkey with all the trimmings, including sprouts with walnuts and chorizo! The day was gorgeous, filled with warmth and laughter, I did get a little heart string pull listening to Joseph and Izzy describe what they got for Christmas, and said love you on the phone. The mood of the day was very merry though, we decided we were merry and grateful, a glorious state to be.

Christmas night, my urge to see Jack, who was really poorly in bed got the better of me, I bounded over in Reindeer antlers, spilt red wine everywhere on arrival, then got enveloped in hugs, which coupled with such powerful sleepy energy meant I was very content to watch Narnia and be cosy.

The last 2 days I've watched 5 films, which is more than I've watched in the past 3 months. Jack and I have been in a bed land, complete with lots of chocolate. It has been needed hibernation and complete relaxation time for us both. We did go to a lovely fire at Em'd boxing day night with great chats and plenty of red wine and Stilton. Last night we got up for a take away curry before returning to another film.

Today I'm heading into town, seeing the very lovely Elena and generally enjoying the gift of time.

One of the best gifts I got was from Clara may and is a modern and very beautiful version of the Karma Sutra. I began reading it from my bed yesterday and an idea that I really like is that being in love is actually are natural state. The hight-end state of awareness, increased senses and happiness. I'm reflecting on what I would like from 2012 and a state of permanently being in love is definitely up there.

Hurray for love!

Sipping Scrumpy Jack waiting for Jack to go for a date, out for dinner, so thought I would seize the moment! Life feels like a million moments of beauty pouring over me, interspersed with chaos from school. Autumn is nearly dust, the coldness is creeping in with the darkness.. Totally up for embracing the cosy energy of house fires that brings.

I feel very suited to my job, the routine suites me perfectly and it means I don't really have to think past 4 o clock. The dynamics of the group are ever changing. My first boy is now an angel as the 2 newest cohort members push boundaries, run off in a big display of being escape artists and see just how horrible they need to be to get retrained, or so it seems. Luckily the hands off approach, unless the child is a danger to himself or others continuously surprises them!

The best thing about the approach of the Solstice is the sky! I have said before and will say again that the sky is my favourite place. The other morning I emerged a little sleepy eyed to hauntingly beautiful pink clouds, raising in swirls above me. Its enough just to be present and to really see.

Also loving the Frozen Planet at the moment. Amazing cinematography and a real sense of animals surviving against all the odds! I spoke to my lovely Mum just before. She will be home a week yesterday!

Last weekend was a wonderful insight into the world of my love. We danced all night to a Blues brothers tribute band and lots of old funk and soul tracks. Had two romantic car journeys, a trip down memory lane for him, all lovely!

Hurray for love in all its roller-coaster like emotions! I would happily embrace all the tears and heart ache that are possible, for the true joy which comes from falling in love with someone and the discovery of how there soul meets mine. There are no expectations, no obligations, just freedom to be all that we are and can possibly be.