Fenham Christmas time

Coming back into the world today after Christmas festivities. Had Christmas day, Fenham style with Emma, Rog, Clara and Frenchie. Woke up, had hot chocolate and stockings in bed, with Clara. We had bought each other some of the same gifts, ginger chocolate, heather honey lip balm, socks and pukka tea. Morning continued with plenty of flowing prosecco and lots of presents. Stayed in my PJ's until gone 2 O clock. Bath with a lush bath bomb, new Christmas jumper from my Nana and new make up goodies from my Mum and Em.

By 3 we were all out on the Moor outside Emma's singing harmony's together, including 'the troubles of the world' then inside for a good bit of pre dinner dancing.

Christmas dinner was magnificent. Gorgeous huge, 20 pound turkey with all the trimmings, including sprouts with walnuts and chorizo! The day was gorgeous, filled with warmth and laughter, I did get a little heart string pull listening to Joseph and Izzy describe what they got for Christmas, and said love you on the phone. The mood of the day was very merry though, we decided we were merry and grateful, a glorious state to be.

Christmas night, my urge to see Jack, who was really poorly in bed got the better of me, I bounded over in Reindeer antlers, spilt red wine everywhere on arrival, then got enveloped in hugs, which coupled with such powerful sleepy energy meant I was very content to watch Narnia and be cosy.

The last 2 days I've watched 5 films, which is more than I've watched in the past 3 months. Jack and I have been in a bed land, complete with lots of chocolate. It has been needed hibernation and complete relaxation time for us both. We did go to a lovely fire at Em'd boxing day night with great chats and plenty of red wine and Stilton. Last night we got up for a take away curry before returning to another film.

Today I'm heading into town, seeing the very lovely Elena and generally enjoying the gift of time.

One of the best gifts I got was from Clara may and is a modern and very beautiful version of the Karma Sutra. I began reading it from my bed yesterday and an idea that I really like is that being in love is actually are natural state. The hight-end state of awareness, increased senses and happiness. I'm reflecting on what I would like from 2012 and a state of permanently being in love is definitely up there.

Hurray for love!

Sipping Scrumpy Jack waiting for Jack to go for a date, out for dinner, so thought I would seize the moment! Life feels like a million moments of beauty pouring over me, interspersed with chaos from school. Autumn is nearly dust, the coldness is creeping in with the darkness.. Totally up for embracing the cosy energy of house fires that brings.

I feel very suited to my job, the routine suites me perfectly and it means I don't really have to think past 4 o clock. The dynamics of the group are ever changing. My first boy is now an angel as the 2 newest cohort members push boundaries, run off in a big display of being escape artists and see just how horrible they need to be to get retrained, or so it seems. Luckily the hands off approach, unless the child is a danger to himself or others continuously surprises them!

The best thing about the approach of the Solstice is the sky! I have said before and will say again that the sky is my favourite place. The other morning I emerged a little sleepy eyed to hauntingly beautiful pink clouds, raising in swirls above me. Its enough just to be present and to really see.

Also loving the Frozen Planet at the moment. Amazing cinematography and a real sense of animals surviving against all the odds! I spoke to my lovely Mum just before. She will be home a week yesterday!

Last weekend was a wonderful insight into the world of my love. We danced all night to a Blues brothers tribute band and lots of old funk and soul tracks. Had two romantic car journeys, a trip down memory lane for him, all lovely!

Hurray for love in all its roller-coaster like emotions! I would happily embrace all the tears and heart ache that are possible, for the true joy which comes from falling in love with someone and the discovery of how there soul meets mine. There are no expectations, no obligations, just freedom to be all that we are and can possibly be.

Women's circle

November has begun! How did that happen! I am 2 days into my contract and feeling more committed to strategies and working out planning systems which will keep my boys happy.

The clocks went back at the weekend and so darkness and cosyness have seeped in. My morning sunrise walks to the bus stop and the incredible Autumn colours are keeping me bright and cheerful as are morning cups of tea and breakfast with the beautiful Jack.

I went to a powerful and hugely uplifting sacred women's circle for Samhain on Monday night, at the cabins in Ovingham. 11 women many of which had met for the first time that night, opened a circle in a small clearing in a beautiful clearing by the river. The night was calm, mild and magical, with an astonishing low hung waning moon. We had a beautiful fire, joined hands with the intention of opening up our hearts and the energy that was created was so clear and connected. I still feel like I'm in a raised state of conciousness. Not in some hippy way but in a tangible helpful way. In each moment that I am present the beauty of the world reveals itself to me more fully.

One of the ladies at the circle put it into words beautifully, its a sense I've had about 6 years ago when I spent long times in my past family home garden at Marden House, praying and meditating- it is possible to be in love with the world. To be truly in the present and in my heart a love affair is offered. Where ever you are, what ever you feel, the beauty of the world, the symmertry and synchronicity beckons you to be filled with love and joy.

Threes and nines

Its the beginning of the half term holidays, I felt almost dizzy with excitement yesterday! Today I'm a little sleepy from playing out and drinking cocktails with Jenny, Emma and Kat until I was all danced out and truly tired to the bones of my feet, I woke up early, am sleepy in a warm, tea in bed fashion and feel very content to have 9 days of freedom.

I found out last week that I have a fixed term contract at work for a year. I now have a class of 3. 3 bright and lovely boys. The difference is amazing! I have discovered strategies are a lot more effective with 3, and when its lovely which it has been a lot this week its a great job, feel very jammy.

Today is 3 calender months since Jack and I first decided to start seeing each other. Time is so conceptual, in some ways it feels a lot longer. Its been strange for me with this blog, being in the early stages of falling for someone makes me feel like I best keep my cards close to my chest.

I live my life in the present as much as possible as I've discovered it makes me the happiest. The great thing is that more than ever before I am less concerned about the destination of this relationship. The journey so far has been a lot of open hearted fun. Lots of big honest chats, with a good amount of challenge and respect and support of each other. Its a funny thing to suggest but I feel more myself in this relationship. More joyful and open, I talk to strangers more often, this is a quality I really appreciate in Jack and I feel like I have a lot to give. I guess I'm in a good place work wise too and my new house is soulful. There is a beautiful sense of communal living in that we all want to contribute and have a real delight when we see each other. We had it in 130 too its just that there was a fair measure of chaos too fuelling the fire!

Right now I'm going to get more tea and have a bath. Then I'm heading off to Hexham to see my beautiful niece for her birthday, she was 5 on Thursday. It looks like a crisp, fresh autumn day. I saw the new moon peeking out of the bathroom window this morning. There is every reason to think it will be a beautiful day.

Wedding carriages in October

Life has been a whirl wind of work and play and not much time to contemplate. I can only really relate what feels like the immediate, which was the wedding of my beautiful friend Sophie last Saturday. Charlotte and I were bridesmaids, so we rocked up about 9 am, ready (bar lipstick) and filled with nerves and excitement, to a very serene Sophie, completely un -fazed!

Char spent about an hour tonguing Sophie's hair, until she had a halo of perfect ringlets. On the announcement that it was time to leave, we still needed to button Sophie into her blue silk dress, over 30 twiddly Victorian buttons, but the effect was stunning.

The day was drizzly, a typical Autumn day in Northumberland but it did't matter, the service was simple and beautiful and the best part of the day was the convoy of Gypsy caravans that went up to Sophie and Saul's house. I got to sit in a wagon looking out on lush green, snuggling a very gorgeous Madog, Barny's new extremely beautiful son.

We had a delicious meal in David's garden in one of Oran's tent and slowly got merry. I got to catch up with Justine after a long summer of her being on the road. The atmosphere was palpably relaxed and easy going. Very in tune with the character of both Saul and Soph.

There was a lull about 5 o clock, kids got tired as did us. So I had coffee and a snuggle with Izzy.

There was a in flux of new blood for the evening including the lovely Jack. The night was filled with chats, much food and dancing by a roaring fire in the woods. I DJ'd which was trickier than I imagined in some ways. All fun though, as soon as I turned my back to get a drink Charlotte changed the track, to one she proffered!

There was a unexpected good turn of fortune, in that Stu was there with his new lady, who I know and like very much and we all had a lovely time together. So happy and relived to be able to be friends with Stu and for it all to be comfortable again. Another highlight was the unbuttoning of Sophie's dress! I got back to the woods from a bus mission a realised Sophie had left! Knowing that Saul would find it impossible to unbutton Sophie, I rushed over and had a lovely cosy post wedding chat with the tired but very happy newly weds.

Simon, Justine and I were the last standing or sitting by the fire at 5 am. It was so mild and beautiful by the point. Then I tried to sleep in a room full of snoring folk! I was pretty broken the next day, but the happiness from the day before and taking it all very slowly carried me.

Work this week has been a mixed bag as always, but today sees a seed of new hope. I have doubled my cohort to 2 and the first boy I had has responded amazingly! There have been times when he has certainly tried to be the boss, but new boy has stood up for himself in a friendly way and has the height advantage.

It was so lovely watching them interact and play and have banter. I know there will be tough times but I sincerely hope this turns things around a little after 4 challenging weeks! We all need friends and I have empathised with my initial pupil as it must be a strange thing to think the consequences of your behaviour have led you to a place where there are no other children your age to interact with. Also positively a contract has been seriously discussed. I have noticed my commitment to get on paper work has increased since that message was relayed.

I feel like I'm finding my rhythm in the house. Went to Yoga eventually on Monday and slept so soundly it was unreal, so that's a good sign that exercise and me time is the way to go.

Now off to John's for a few hours, it must be time to move as even though I'm under my covers there's an October chill in the air.

Autumn skies

The Autumn skies have been filled with billowing pink clouds and sunshine that threatens to change into showers at any given moment! All is busy in a wonderful way. House filled with friends a lot but also times like tonight when there is a lull.

I haven't managed to motivate myself to run, but I got into a wonderful book I first read when I was 20 called 'By the river Pierdra I sat down and wept' by Paulo Coelho. It is a story about the surrender of love. Written beautifully, so each night I have a good couple of chapters of that and have decided that if I wake up with my head full at 4 or 5 I will turn the light on and read. So far, although I don't want to tempt fate I've only woken briefly, this morning it was to a text message to say that my dear friend Ellie's labour had began. Her son was born at 12.23 today, wonderful news.

Work by its nature with my pupil being so complex in his needs, has been challenging. There was a fire alarm today, and kick off began around 10 because he refused to leave the class and had to be carried out kicking and screaming.

I am being fair and firm to trying my best to establish the boundaries he is so in need of and has never had. Its a hard road. The support of the staff and the small steps he is making have to be reward enough at the moment. Soon we will have two new referrals and although I think that will be difficult initially I really think it will help enormously with the balance of my sole pupil wanting to be in control. Also it will give him peers and hopefully even friends a real human need.

Tonight our house is going for a late dinner to 99. Sydney grove is filled with beautiful people and this house is particularly dear to my heart, with Paddy and Laurence living there, both of which I have lived with before and 3 wonderful girls.

Tomorrow I also hope to firm up the arrangements for Sophie's hen! Excited for her wedding day and being a bridesmaid with my beautiful sister. Matching dresses ahoy!

Sweet enjoyment.

This morning is the first in a little while that I've taken to tea and time to muse in bed. Last night Jack and I had a lovely evening, a good bit of quality time, Tapas, Sangria, and a quick turn around and single drink at Bar Kolo. I was very happy and content to be in bed by 12 as I am shattered from a heavy week with my boy at work. At around 3 am I got woke up by an insistent almost eerie ringing of the doorbell. I almost didn't answer it in case it was a mad man! It wasn't of course a friend of friends had lost our house crowd or been abandoned and was very apologetic as I let him in. I climbed back into bed and spent the next at least 3 hours trying to sleep. There has definitely been a pattern of this the past 5 weeks or so since I began falling. Its excitement and excess energy and doubt and worry and wonder and restlessness all rolled into one. I am pretty good at enjoying it. You have to really don't you. I like the moments best when I have snuggled in to a comfortable position and can feel the nearness of sleep but my mind is so intent on the symphony of feelings swirling around my head, sometimes a phrase, a look, a feeling. Its like my senses have been wildly driven to excess and I need several hours in the dark of night to come down from them.

I think I will take up running or something which will shatter me physically and push enough endorphins to my brain to help it switch off!

School has been stressful, I nearly wrote earlier in the week but felt almost like it might be inappropriate, perhaps because the level of disruption and the real anger my student it experiencing is challenging me to question my approach at every turn. Its a steep learning curve.Luckily I am very supported at work and although its gradual I can see small steps of progress most days.

My new house is great. So warm and friendly. A sanctuary of loveliness, we had a beautiful evening in with Mike and Jemma on Wednesday, team effort of making delicious pie. It was lovely to catch up with them again after the impromptu plumb jam making party at the weekend, lots of kitchen dancing and kissing each other in giddy excitement! Wednesday was all about a roaring fire, I demanded we all had boots kicked off and we happily ate the first apple and raspberry crumble of the season.

It feels like Autumn today, and all the leaves are turning orange on the Rowan tree the dawn chorus is getting later. So more tea for me,a call or two a beauty engagement with the lovely Jenny , then of to Hexham to catch up with my sister and a special visit to see the wonderful new arrival of baby Oscar!! Ah can't wait! There is nothing quite like the sweetness and new joyful energy of a new born.